Saturday, October 23, 2010

Karma Chameleon

So in my infinite hours of boredom I have begun obsessively editing photos. Here is where you are welcome to be like my mom and tell me that if I am so bored I should clean my house. Thanks. I am not sure why I am taking such enjoyment in it... Probably because it is giving me full control to alter things however I see fit. Very refreshing.

I don't feel like I have the best grip on things at the moment. I am getting there but there are still some huge changes I need to make. Every day it just brings me more disappointment to see that the situation isn't getting any better. It is funny how someone can be so moody, and so unpredictable that you can almost predict how the next day will be. "If yesterday was so great just wait! I bet tomorrow will be angry gradeschooler living hell! Complete with fit throwing and silent treatments!" See... now I am rambling. When did this blog get all soap opera? Young and Restless just stopped in for a second. I apologize. Think I had better quit while I am ahead here.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Wheel In The Sky

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22

Changing your geographical location will give you a different perspective on life and how you should proceed. Not everyone will be in favor of the choices you make but you have to do what`s best for yourself.

No joke, yall... This was the horoscope for my sign yesterday. How weird is that? I take these silly astrology things with a grain of salt under almost any circumstance. But this was a little too specific to completely ignore. Weird, right??

I am in such a weird place. I feel bad for all my friends. I pretty much have dropped off the face of the planet. I am tired... And I am just trying to sort alot of things out in my mind. My life, how it stands right now, isn't where I want it to be. I feel like I am falling short of goals and settling for less than I deserve. This is why I want to forge my own path and make my own destiny. I feel silly for saying so but this horoscope is a really nice affirmation of my recent ideas.

I hope I am myself again really soon. I do miss my friends. My head has just been somewhere completely different lately.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

She's Like The Wind

So as of recently I am feeling restless in my surroundings. Not restless as in let me buy a new sofa painting and floor lamp and a rug to tie it all together... Restless as in it is growing more and more apparent that there is not that much here for me in Joplin. Of course it goes without saying that my parents are here and they are everything to me. But as for me and Reed... I am thinking about the long term. The closer he gets to Kindergarten the more I realize that if I want to move, I best be planning it now.

I have thought alot about it... Silently of course because once I give this lovely news to my parents all hell will surely break loose. Bartlesville, OK is my favorite option.... It has everything I want and it is my hometown. I love the cultural side of it and the schools and overall environment for kids are great. I love Arkansas if I can ever get past the yucky pigs (razorbacks ughhh) everywhere. Of course going back to NC would be amazing... Cali has come to mind too. Recently though it has occurred to me to perhaps jump in head first somewhere new and different. I have never lived anywhere near a big city.... So I started thinking Chicago. I have never even visited the windy city... I will of course before I decide to live there, but that is later. There are factors in all this that shall remain unspoken but I am considering it very seriously.

I feel so silly for thinking about this. I am an only child and my only family is right here where I am. But I have never just set out on my own, with my own direction completely. Moving to NC wasn't a choice I made or helped make. It was the USMC making it for us. Maybe I am just itching to set my own path because I feel trapped. This place is full of people who just "feel silly" about leaving. Why? Why should I leave when this place has one of the the lowest costs of living, and I am pretty much guaranteed to keep my just above minimum wage job for as long as I want it if I do it right? I have a house, and friends, and family... It's all right here. But I want something more. Seems selfish, but it's how I am feeling at the moment.

So here it is. The savings account for my moving fund will be opened on Friday... and this summer break will be a busy one. I'm ready.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Coming Back To Life

So... It has really been a long time now hasn't it? Let's see... What has happened since I last made a blog... Ah! I have just the thing to get me back in the swing of this! A clever gimmick to aid me in not rambling... Carmen's Top Ten List!

Top Ten
Life Changing Events (2009-2010)

1) I am no longer married. I have been a single mom since August of last year. It was really rough on me at first, but I am more than fine with it now. It really was for the best for all three of us.
2) I am now working as a Preschool Teacher for Head Start. I love my job. I definitely miss the SAHM lifestyle more often than not though.
3) I am living in my own home. That is pretty special these days!
4) I have experienced the grown up dating scene and let me just say it is one ugly world! I was really let down by one person in particular, and it taught me to heed the words of someone wise I once knew... "When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them."
5) I acquired a Volvo. Life changing? I think so.
6) My son started school. He is doing really well. A recent development with him is his glasses. We just got them last week and already it seems his schoolwork is improving.
7) I got back in touch with alot of my good friends I had been missing while living in NC then dealing with the divorce. I also found time to make some new friends that are also awesome as can be! They have been there and helped me through so much... I don't have any idea what I would do without them.
8) I saw Avatar. Whoa.
9) I explored my inner spiritual roots and was surprised to learn what kind of tree I really am.
10) I was more recently given some medical news that really shook me up. It is very humbling to learn of your own fragility. I know I have spent my life saying "Not me!" and when that day rolls around where it IS in fact you... It hits you like a ton of bricks.

So yall... that is it in a nutshell. I don't know if anyone will even read this anymore but at least I will have somewhere to get everything out that I want to say. Facebook status updates are cryptic, and who really reads Facebook notes? Hopefully this will be the one successful attempt I make at actually keeping up with this.