Thursday, December 2, 2010

Sweet Little Lies

Why is it that I let myself be lulled into false security? I will never learn I guess. The problem is, I am willing to give up so much when I care about something... And somehow what I care about keeps getting ripped away and I am left with jack shit. I have a pretty major sacrifice that I have laid on the table right now. Nothing big has happened but I am completely on edge and wondering if I am making a horrible mistake. I want nothing more than to believe that everything I have been promised is true. But when you have been hurt like I have... Over and over and over... You grow to be more and more questioning of things. Especially with so much at stake. I feel like taking a sabbatical and avoiding the whole thing until I am sure I am not being screwed over. I hate this. I am being made to feel like a fool way too often. I truly thought that alot of things had changed but it is quite apparent that they are on track to be just like they were in the very near past in the very near future. It is occurring to me to get out before I have the chance to be hurt again... This time not just being hurt but also giving up ALOT. It must be understood that I am happier than I have ever been... I am just sensing some dishonesty. I just can't stand cheap talk. And I am hereby refusing to be the convenient answer or concellation prize. My feelings are worth something. I think it is time for me to take a deep breath and a step back. Not because I want to, but because I could never handle the aftermath of what might happen if I don't.